BYD Security on the job

BYD security is amazing, I think… What is it you ask? It’s Big Yellow Dog Security, yup that’s right, Big Yellow Dog who also happens to be named Crazy Mandi.

It’s a twenty-four hour service, seven days a week and could possibly save your life…um, well more like probably take my life in my case, but regardless it was activated in full last night and it went something like this:

Me: Dead asleep until BYD security’s alarm went off.

BYD (aka Crazy Mandi): Woof, thump, claw! Woof, thump, claw! (the pregnant BYD lodged herself under my bed and was fighting to get out and do her job)

Me: Eyes fly open and I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. BYD has gone off randomly before.

BYD: Woof, thump, claw! Woof, thump, claw! Woof, thump, claw!

Me: Struggling to see because I sleep with my contacts in, can’t find eye drops.

In training

Hubby: Deep voice from bathroom, “What’s going on?”

Me: You activated BYD because you went in to the bathroom! Glance at clock, 3:30 a.m.

BYD: Woof, thump, claw! Woof, thump, claw! Woof, thump, claw!

Hubby: All I did was belch!

Me: “Dang, stupid pregnant dog! Mandi! Stop!”

Teenage son in other room: Snore…

BYD: Woof, thump, claw!

Ding-dong in the distance

Hubby: “What?!”

Me: Jumps out of bed to find out that BYD Security has emerged at the same time. Trips, but recovers, and reaches over to grab lounge pants while trying to avoid activated, pregnant, and fierce BYD only to fall over said laundry baskets that were there to remind me to put away the clean clothes in the morning…

Her best “You talking to me look”

BYD: WOOF! Darts down stairs leaving us in the dust.

Teenage son: Snore…

Me: Finds lounge pants and throws them on not knowing or caring that they are probably inside out and backwards. Stumbles down stairs.

Hubby: “Wait, I’m coming!”

BYD: WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

Me: Peeks out side window to see that a cop car is sitting in front of my house with its lights on. I blink and then remember that teenage son is upstairs sleeping and other son is four hours away at school. Deep sigh.

Spying on neighbors, and yes there are holes in my fence.

BYD: WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

Hubby: “Hold on, let me grab her!” Struggles to find the off button on BYD only to realize there is none.

Teenage son: Snore…

Me: Opens door slowly, and officer steps back. Probably because I can’t fully open my eyes because I never found my eye drops. Secondly because I likely had green gasses coming from my mouth from the mexican food I’d eaten the night before. And finally, I’m sure, because my hair looked like a batch of monkey’s had their way with it.

BYD: Growl, woof, struggle!

Officer: Um, I’m sorry to wake you, but I just wanted to let you know that your garage door is open and since it allows access to your house…

Me: I blink and recover quickly. “Thanks…”

Hubby: “Crap!”

Officer: “Just want to let you know…” Saunters away looking over his shoulder.

Me: “Oops…”

Hubby: Releases BYD security and heads towards garage.

Yup, that’s what I’m releasing upon the world

BYD: Woof! Bark! Snarl!

Me: As hubby returns I shrug. “Must have been all the margaritas I had last night, sorry.”

Hubby: “Um, you only had one…”

After it was all said and done, and BYD Security had settled down I realized the full magnitude of what I’d done. In just a few short weeks I was expanding BYD Security and I was now going to have to change my name, move, and assume another identity. Because once the new owners figure out what they’d gotten, well, yes, they’d try and return the product to it’s original source.

Teenage son: Snore…

Resting after her BYD Security call at 3:30 a.m.

BYD: This morning: Snore….

Me: Making third batch of coffee…and begging for you to forgive me for all the typo’s I’m sure this thing has. Brain still isn’t function properly yet…